Accused of aggravated assault

Let me start this by saying that my fellow blogger ListenToLeon has accused me of beating him down. This atrocity of the truth has been chronicled over at his site under the fictitious title Taking A Blogger Beating. I am 100% innocent of those charges and will now utilize this forum to explain the TRUE facts.

This past Saturday I decided to join some of the fellas over in Crystal City at the basketball courts for some ballin’. Now most of the cats got out there around noontime and had gotten some early runs in, but I had to work and didn’t get there til mid afternoon. Regardless, I sat out a game and called “Next”. I got on the court with some local brothas that I know from the Russ Parr Message Board and we set out to take the current squad off the court. Those cats had been winning games left and right and we set out to show them we had the skills to take them out.

It just so happened that Leon was on that other squad. In the previous game I saw him scoring left and right and was trying to figure out just who the hell was guarding him. Leon and I played at the same court last year and I wasn’t impressed. I’m not saying that he was sorry or nothing, but wasn’t sick wit it. So I set out to show him that he wasn’t bout to be getting easy baskets on me. On the flip side, dude decided that he was gonna check me on defense. That brotha obviously didn’t realize that even though I’m all of 5’9″ that I grew up playing with cousins who were all 6 footers. Thus, I don’t know how not to play strong. I guess he figured since we were close to the same height that he could guard me with ease. Wrong answer homie! I’m short, but I’m solid. I play on the box and get mines.

We played a rack of games, I don’t recall how many. His squad won all of them, but I felt good knowing that he wasn’t getting off with those jumpers and cherry picking baskets like he had on those other jokers. The fellas milled around for a while and my man Lawry suggested that one of us play Leon in a one on one game. Well, you know I was up for the challenge of playing small ball with the long, lost member of Menudo. We agreed to play to 5.

That should’ve been easy right? Naw. In what might’ve been the longest game in the history of one-on-one basketball this decade, I think we played for close to 20 minutes. It was like Uncle Woodrow vs Grady from Sanford and Son. I was winded, he was winded. I moved slow, he moved slower. I dribbled the ball and literally walked around the court. It was real bad. However through it all I was the first one to score 5 buckets. That meant victory. A statement game for the kid. A blogger beatdown on the basketball court. Basketball is a game for men. Nothing I did on the court was illegal. I play straight up basketball and use the skills that God gave me. If that means a shoulder dip, a forearm to hold my ground or backing my man to the basket, then so be it. If you aint ready to play hardcore, then go to the playground and play on the Merry-Go-Round.

I’ve been portrayed as Clubber Lang. Ya know… Mr. T from Rocky III. The way Leon describes the game and the after effects you’d a thought that he had been admitted to the ER or something laced up with an IV for the night. Hell, I’m just trying to get back in shape after the car accident in January. He lost to a dude with a Red Cross on his back. I’m not even 75%, but best believe that I still give 110%. I was (and still am) sore too. My wife will attest to me creeping around the house and saying “ooh” or ugh” every 15 seconds. But I didn’t blame it on Yellow Man Ace even though he did hack me a few times. That’s my man though. We’re cool peeps even though he got a restraining order against me on the court. That’s just part of the game. A game I love to play… or at least do my best to.

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I took a few animations off the tape and the entire video is below. I’ve encoded it and added some effects to it, but no amount of creative editing can mask such an ugly game. Go ahead and laugh if ya want. Better yet, c’mon out to the court. Leon and I will take you and whoever you bring to ball. Weeeeeee ready baby!!!!

Here’s the video… let it load for a few seconds before viewing. In fact, get some popcorn, an ice pack for your knees and two tablets of 800 Ibuprofen… this is painfully hilarious.



3 thoughts on “Accused of aggravated assault”

  1. LMAO @ your account of the story. I’m not saying you were playing dirty…but I just started to expect elbows and shoves and grabs anytime you were within three feet of me! LOL

    Then again, since you’re used to guarding tall people, I guess that explains it. Glad to know it’s not some “I’m gonna test Leon and see if he’s a b*tch” type of sh*t!

    Oh yeah, there’s no restraining order on you LOL. Whenever we both can get back to being in some sort of respectable basketball shape, I’d love to get back out there again.

  2. i thought i was ‘seeing’ ish for a second. moving pictures? anyway, i’m glad i continued reading instead of feeling spooked and found that i was looking at animation at its finest! got skills on and off the court i see.

    men and their trade of ‘war’ stories. now if only that third party would post the ‘truth’ because momma always said there are three sides to a story. lmao

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