Yes, this is what I have to keep telling myself over and over again. Somehow the joyous celebration that I envisioned myself having last night was interrupted by a series of strange events. Thus I’m left with an empty, sick feeling in my stomach. I’m a true Cowboys fan as most readers of this blog should know by now and I’m a state of disbelief. The last time I felt this bad was the NFC Championship game back on January 10, 1982 when the Cowboys played the 49ers and Joe Montana made a miraculous TD throw to Dwight Clark that has known in football lore as “The Catch”.
Joe Montana took the snap and Cowboys DE’s Ed “Too Tall” Jones and Larry Bethea, along with LB D.D. Lewis chased a backpedalling Montana to the sideline where it looked as though he was going to get sacked or out of bounds. At the last moment, Montana threw a very high pass to the back of the endzone. 49ers receiver Dwight Clark made a leaping grab from the back of the end zone in front of Cowboys CB Everson Walls for the winning touchdown with 51 seconds left in the game.
Now, things are lil’ bit different now. That event was almost 25 years ago and I was 9 years old at the time. That night I locked myself in my bedroom and refused to eat my dinner. I turned the lights out in my bedroom, cried and went to sleep. I’ve grown a lil’ bit (in age) since then but I’m still a very emotional cat. I pounded the floor with my fist, hollered a number of expletives, kicked over my computer chair and threw a few things went flying across the room. I walked outside, got in my car and sat for a while. I figured that I couldn’t break anything in there, plus I could holler and no one would hear me with the windows up. Now obviously this is no way for a grown man to act under the circumstances, but I was very upset at that time.
After about 20 minutes I came back into the house and my fiancée was sleeping. I suppose that when I came into the bedroom I was making more noise than necessary and it disturbed her. I was still in my mood from the turn of events of the game and it was apparent. We exchanged words back and forth, but one thing rings in my mind very clearly. She said “I don’t understand why you get like this over something you have no control over, it’s only a game“. Then she said something about me getting like this causing friction and affecting our relationship. Of course I wasn’t in the frame of mind to hear that last night, but it was true. Since I can remember, I’ve allowed my emotions to get the best of me after one of my favorite teams lost a crucial game. From Georgetown losing the NCAA Championship to Michael Jordan and North Carolina 63-62 on March 29, 1982 to the Celtics losing in 6 games to the Lakers in the NBA finals in 1987 to the year 2000 when the Mets lost the World Series to the Yankees in 5 games. I always remember myself feeling like somebody died or losing everything that I owned. However this time being out of control with my emotions took place in the presence of someone I love dearly.
Without warning my sweetheart bolted from the bedroom with a pillow and headed down the stairs to either the living room or the basement. Sadly, I let her go and didn’t give chase. I was too caught up in my own self to realize what I had done. I got into the bed and layed there for a few moments before falling asleep. I awoke at various points in the morning to find that I was still by myself. Yet, I did nothing. I still didn’t go check on her or leave my bedroom.
*fast forward to about 7:30am*
I awoke as I heard her coming through the door. I figured that she was preparing to go to church as usual, but I didn’t feel like going. After showering and getting herself together for about an hour she asked me if I was going. I replied “No“. I immediately saw the displeasure in her eyes. I suppose that I hadn’t learned enough from sleeping alone with the empty feeling of missing her, I was determined to make things worse. I can’t recall a time that we didn’t attend church together. She expressed to me in a more than a few words that she was disappointed in me and went on her way. I sat up in the bed and thought for a while. I began to feel really bad. I knew I was wrong with how I carried things last night, but I wasn’t man enough to apologize and move forward. Thus I sit here right now at the computer. After sitting here (painfully) looking at football stuff and checking email for about 20 minutes, I’ve decided to go to church. I feel stupid for letting something this simple put a divide between her and I.
*left house at 9:45am… already late for 9:00am service*
*returned home at 12:30pm*
Okay, I’m back. I feel pretty good after attending an excellent worship service. I walked into the sanctuary around 10:10am or so and sat right next to my sweetheart. She seemed a lil’ bit shocked, but not overly surprised. I got the “I’m happy you’re here, but you still have issues” look from her though. She may beg to differ, but that’s how I received it. Anyway, the reverend was just doing the morning welcome and greeting of visitors, so I wasn’t too bad off. As I sat there the praise team sang some very uplifting songs. Shortly thereafter we took part in Communion and the sermon began. One of the first things the reverend said was something to the effect of “If the horse you rode in 2006 is dead, then it’s time to dismount for 2007”. Basically he was saying that if you’ve dealt with issues in your life over the past year and things are still not going right, it’s time to find a new formula because what you’re doing hasn’t been working.
I took it in terms of things in my life as well, but also in relation to the Dallas Cowboys. I knew last week (2006) that my squad wasn’t playing well. I mean, they lost to the Detroit Lions in the last game of the regular season and have been gettin’ their butts whipped the last month of the season (minus the game I went to in ATL). I honestly knew it was a long shot for them to get to the Super Bowl, but yesterday (2007) I allowed their loss to effect me more than it should’ve. Thinking like that made me get a certain calm while sitting there in church. C’mon now, you didn’t think I could totally block it out did you????? Anyway, I listened intently to the sermon that he gave on the anointing of David and how he related the story to how we’ve got to get rid of the old things in our life and start new. How God has chosen our destiny and that sometimes we’re too stubborn to see the good things in our lives. The blessings are already out there, but we tend to block them by not doing what we’re supposed to do in life.
With all that being said I do realize that God has blessed me with a special woman in my life. Anyone who knows me and what I’ve been through in my life know that I can testify all day and night on this one. It’s been a major struggle just to find someone as special as she is and I love her with all my heart. She’s right with what she said. I do have to find a way to calm myself down when my teams lose important games. I’ve been this way for so long and it’s difficult to even contemplate not being overly emotional. However, I now realize that I’m affecting someone else. It wasn’t my desire to upset or hurt her, but I know that I did. For that, I apologize to her. It would be sad for me to destroy something as beautiful as what we have because my inability to control my emotions over a game. It’s only a game…
9 thoughts on ““It’s only a game””
I thought about you and the numerous die hard Cowboy fans I know after Romo…oh hell you know what happen.
I like this post cause it showed your growth within some hours.
G.Mo…I was hoping you would not take this as hard as Romo did.
(Hey, I lost to the Bum Eagles).
My hubby gets like this too but I love sports just as much so I understand how he feels. I was happy Penn State won just so I wouldn’t have to deal with him locking himself in the office for the rest of the night.
Keep striving and tell that woman that you are sorry and that you love her.
I am glad you went to church.
People who are not sports fanatics can rarely relate to how damn import this whole thing is. There are entire communities, (New York and Boston come to mind), that live and die with their Baseball teams.
Our teams give up hope, an identity, and a connection. It is an emotional rollercoaster the average person never rides and can not fully understand.
Sport Fans are addicts. Their drug of choice generally centers are one team, one mascot, one dream. They have one for each season for each sport, and when it doesn’t happen, as it did in your case, like any addict who doesn’t get what he wants, the rage ensues. It’s really very simple. But those who are not deeply into sport don’t understand sport.
Having said all of that, we sports fans have to keep our addiction under control. Otherwise, like any other dependency, it can make you loose sight of what is REALLY important.
My condolences my Friend but remember, having the Girl of your Dreams is really your Superbowl. And you’ve already won that one.
ok wait.. is 1969 a GIANTS fan too??? wow.. did she also say PENN STATE.. WE ARE!!! ______ ______ finish that one off.. oops wait..this is GMo’s spot..
oh yeah.. that was a hard loss for ya’ll… I was actually happy ya’ll lost cause I figured that the Giants would take care of Philly but in normal CHOKE fashion they fawked that up.. just like the JETS.. *sigh*
but I digress.. how about we drown our sorrows over your cooking.. LOL
As happy as I was that you all lost, I wasn’t happy by the reaction that my “buddy” had, he took it as bad and you did and it fueled th flams for an argument that basically has us not speaking, and probably never speaking again…so sad but true…i would ike to acknowledge the fact that you at least got it together to make it to church…you know you was acting OFF the HOOK over the game…but hey like you said, you are a true blue fan….but as she said…its ONLY A GAME…and not worth all the extra stuff…
besides, what do I really care, we sitting at home doing nothing…good reflections though G. Mo…good reflections
I knew my Brooklyn peeps would hold me down.
Happy New Year!!!!
Do they have support groups for this? You know, Sports Anonymous…LOL!
“Hi, my name is G and I’m a Sports addict”.
I know just how you’re feeling. After Romo’s ‘fumble’ my phone starts ringing off the hook and these people actually thought I was going to be laughing sheepishly and saying, “Better luck next year, huh?”
Heck no! I was upset then, I’m upset now, and I’ll still be upset during the Superbowl ’cause what happened SHOULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED but it happened.
I too had to tell somebody off and then call them back later to apologize and remind them that I didn’t do all that when the Bengals kept losing.
So, we’ll all pray for each other and remember it’s only a game and let’s hope for better luck next year.
what’s up BK & 1969 – YEAH PSU!!!!
anyways… sorry about the lost g. mo… to help get over it.. cheer for the ravens today 🙂
seriously… it is ONLY a game… but i can def feel ur pain.. i was cursing & fussing when AI got traded.. i was like WTF! and F*%# the sixers!!! but as ur girl said… we cant control it.. so it is, what it is.. better luck next time..
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