It’s that time of year my people. Yep, Valentine’s Day is right around the corner and they’re a lotta folks running around in search of someone to lay up with. In a perfect world everyone would have someone to call their own, but we don’t live in a perfect world now do we? This weekend will cause some folks to drink heavily, while others will stay in and sleep. The question is whether those folks will be sleeping by themselves. Then again, who’s the idiot who came up with the phrase ‘sleeping with’ as a way to determine who a person has sex with? Hell, I can recall moments of sleeping that didn’t include any sex at all. While there were moments of sex that didn’t involve any sleeping or laying with the individual in any way, shape or form. That is what I’ll call the essence of the Booty Call. It’s pretty much a drive-by for quick sexual gratification. Well, maybe not quick… guess that all depends on who you’re with.

Anyway, this is one time of year when the phones ring off the hook. You start to get emails from folks that you haven’t heard from since ummmm… last Valentine’s Day. These are the people who are too lazy to make new connections, so they’d rather call you. Now, there’s probably a good reason why you’re not tryna talk to this person, but evidently the sex was good enough for them to not wanna go it alone on Cupid’s holiday. It could be that they simply got an itch and instead of going out and looking for someone new, they call that individual who has had experience scratching that itch. There are a variety of reasons why someone decides to make a booty call, the primary of course being that they’re tryna ‘get some’

In a somewhat obscure way, receiving booty calls is a form of appreciation for previous work completed. You may feel that the person calling you is a tribute to your skills in the bedroom. While at the same time you could also be offended that the person only sees you for the physical aspects and nothing else but that. So if you haven’t yet been inundated with a barrage of late-night calls from private numbers or a rack of emails from ‘hook-ups’ in the past, then maybe you’re lucky. Then again, if you’re by yourself then you could be the one facilitating the communication. In any case you should live by a few standards when it comes to booty callin’.

1- Make sure to always verify the status of the person you’re calling. You may think that the person who ‘gave it’ to you is sitting at home awaiting your call 364 days after your last encounter. However, they may be at home planning their wedding with a significant other. Dont be surprised if you get that “Don’t you ever call me again” speech, gotta realize that when you call that their new partner might be laying right beside them.

2 – Be respectful of the time and hour that you call someone. Just cuz you used to dial up ‘ole faithful’ every weekend 3 years ago at 2am, doesn’t mean that you should do that in 2005. You may get a better response if you call at a reasonable hour.

3 – No matter what, always be considerate to the person you’re tryna holla at. You wouldn’t want anything to come back and haunt you now would you? If they say no this time, do go off and cuss em out cuz then you’ll be burning a bridge to some satisfaction that you ‘may’ have had at a later time when you’re on a dry spell.

4 – If the other party agrees to the ‘arrangement’, then make sure that you establish a precise time and place for the action to take place. That way there’s no confusion later on. Furthermore, if you’re going to a hotel, you might wanna clear up who’s paying for the room and such.

5 – Don’t get emotionally attached. Gotta remember that this is a purely physical thing and catchin’ feelings may create a problem that you aint prepared for.

6 – When it’s all said and done, grab ya stuff and be out. No need to sit and chat about Uncle Charles and his bad knees, the new SUV you’re tryna purchase or the fact that your job is getting on your nerves. You did what you came to do… now roll out.

7- As Austin Powers would say…. “Oh Behaaaaaaaaave”. Conduct yourself that will endear yourself to future calls from the person you’re with. Don’t be tryna simulate the lastest porno movie that you saw if the person you’re with is an ultra conservative. Then again, if you think your ‘the one’, then go ahead and try and turn em out.

The following public service bulletin has been brought to you as a courtesy of NahLaterz and ChocolateCityWeb.com. If I see this posted on any messageboards or another website, I have the right to kick azz and take names.

Peace & Love